theJDman State of Mind

Christmas Crowds

Wow about 50 days since my last post, so I decided to update. Problem is I had no topic, then today I finished my Christmas shopping and now I do. Now as you read this please keep in mind that Christmas is a kind of love/hate type thing. When you get offended in the next ten minutes that you'll spend reading this, I'm sorry in advance.
CHRISTMAS CROWDS

When people get into a crowd they forget how to act. Christmas crowds are full of Assholes, Cheapskates, the Smug shopper, the indecisive shopper, the "that should shut her up." shopper(A.K.A. Married), the "Hey, instead of buying presents I could get a X-Box 360" shopper, Tweaks, and several others. Personally I'm the "Get the hell out of my way Jackass!"shopper, so we've probably meet during the last month or so.

It is kind of fun to screw around with other shoppers though, I've included some examples I did today. There was a girl(about 22) with a 3 year old and an infant looking to buy another Justin Timberlake CD because the 3 year old used the CD upside down and used it as a coaster(BTW: good use for an item that has no real value). Then to make it worse she started to sing that Sexy Back song, and she wouldn't stop. I said, "Hey lady, give it a rest huh?" and in one second I realized I screwed up, you could tell this was somebody who wasn't use to people telling her anything.
"What, I am not that bad, and second(did I miss first?) everybody loves Justin."
"Uh... No."
"Look here dog(cool?), get with it. He's bringing the sexy back."
"Oh, how about this, I wish somebody would bring the talent back."
"Ha Ha funny dog, nobody listens to Pat Boone anymore."
"Who?"
"OK AC-DC, Twisted Sister, it's all the same old sh*t."
This is the kicker, her 3 year old said, "I anna ock." The girl looked at him in shock, and not wasting a minute I said, "Hey look at that, you're kid even knows." and I laughed all the way out of the store.

I found a teen looking for a good action packed movie for his dad, his dad wants non-stop action so I suggested 2001 to him. In a side note I should avoid the mall for the next couple months because this teen looks like a smaller version of John Cena, maybe I should have said Resident Evil.

And let me end with this one. I ran into this tweaked out middle-aged businessman(looked like anyway) smoking weed in one of the stalls. I knocked on the door and told him that he should stop or he'll get caught. We went on about how the wife and the kids are looking for Christmas stuff and he just needed to relax and how he won't get caught here. I tried to reason with him, "Look this bathroom is next to the Pretzel store and the guards always get a slushy there after using this bathroom."
"Oh, um, kidd(I'm 33 you F'n Tweak) where do you do it?"
"I don't,"
"If I did(what?)."
"At home."
"If you were here(WOW!)?"
"Well, there is a big exhaust fan kiddie corner from the security office, past the conference room."
"Exhaust fan, is that the one that sucks?"
At this point I just had to leave, as I did I heard him yell "Sh*t!" and I heard him drop his stuff on the floor. As I exited I ran straight into the mall cop who was going in. I stopped him, "Not a good idea Dude."
"Why not?"
I tried hard not to laugh as I told him the next line, "Because there's Sh*t all over the floor in there."
"F*cking kids," He picked up his walkie-talkie and said, "I need maintenance at the..."
I got out of there laughing my ass off.

What was my point again? X-mas crowds suck, mostly.
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theJDman
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Merry Christmas... and good luck.

posted by theJDman @ 6:40 PM 1 comments